I chew my fingernails. I do more than chew my fingernails; in fact, I chew back the skin, peel it backwards, much in the same fashion as you would de-skin the cap of a field mushroom. I continue until the skin breaks off, or begins to hurt. Many times it bleeds. It usually stings.
I repeat this exercise on nearly all of the remaining digits; especially my pointer fingers.
I then wait a few days for the skin to regenerate, to heal.
And I begin again.
I have done this all my life. Since before I can remember starting.
Childhood memories surrounding the practice always contain large adult figures looming over me with disapproval in their eyes; my grandmother especially would make pained faces at me if she spied me sitting in a corner with my hands in my mouth. You will deform your fingers. I was told. It looks awful.
And it does, I know.
It’s like a need and that need, my friends, is strong. I suspect it’s more than habit, than a compulsion; that it is linked to my coping mechanisms surrounding the anxiety that bubbles away inside. Some people bend over rosaries, run their fingers over any assortment of worry beads or stones. I use my fingers. Disgusting, but there you have it.
The only times I have not chewed my fingernails have been in the latter stages of pregnancy and the few months post-partum. Why not then, I wonder? When your life is full of stress, and if not stress then load? In part it was those pregnancy hormones, and pregnancy brain, which enabled me to walk around in a fog (read: stupor) for that little while. I didn’t feel the need. Those same hormones made my nails grow quickly, and strong, and for the first time I held out my hands at a distance and thought these do not belong to me.
After birth, I had no time to chew fingernails. I had a babe at the breast, or in my arms, constantly. Then the hormones drained away, the nails got brittle, began snagging on clothes, and for the first time in my life I had reason to get rid of them, before they harmed my children.
(Ironic, because Riley fell onto my foot when he was a babe and took out a chunk off his nose thanks to my sharp toenails. Stellar parenting there.)
I don’t know if I’ll ever stop. I suppose I even hope I’ll be a cautionary tale to my children: Doesn’t mum’s nails look ugly? You start chewing and you’ll look the same so beware! Keira has lovely nails, has never even bitten them.
Yet she still sucks her thumb.
Maybe we’re trapped in the oral stage together.
It’s been said that “oral fixations are considered to contribute to over-eating, being overly talkative, smoking addictions, overindulging in sugar, chewing on straws and toothpicks, and even alcoholism.”
Wow. I bet that describes a good part of the human race.
Maybe in a little way we’re all trapped together.
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Elegant nails are for social butterflies. Ravaged nails are for real people.
Oh gosh my wee 5 yo son does this. Not so much the fingernails but all his fingertips.
As his mama it’s awful because I feel a cloud of guilt that he is already ‘anxious’ enough to do this at such a tender age.
I realise though I should recognise it for what it is, another crutch or coping mechanism that I think most of us adopt in some form or another. And even when he’s not anxious – well – it’s habit now.
I sucked my thumb and ended up with braces. Remember my parents painting my thumb with foul tasting stuff until I stopped.
Heidi doesn’t just chew her nails she chews her whole finger. Even if she has broken the skin with her teeth and it is bleeding she continues to chew. The OT gave her a special tube to chew on but also suggested giving Heidi chewy foods such as licorice and jerky to chew on. Has made a big difference.
Apparently chewing and sucking really helps calm the brain and order your thoughts which is why people often do it. There are special pen toppers you can get to chew on, save you eating your pen / pencil.
Both my hubby and son do what you do with the fingernails, and the eldest daughter is going to need braces as a result of thumb sucking.
I dunno that it’s an oral stage, seems to be just a very human thing to do. *shrugs*
My eldest used to do what you do to your fingernails (major stress) but she deliberately broke the habit and has beautiful nails now.
I did the same exact thing to my fingers. Bit the nails to the quick, and picked at the cuticles and skin around the fingers. I also sucked my thumb until I was 8, except when I was at school. Eventually I just stopped. But I never needed braces. My brother and sister both had braces and never sucked their thumbs.
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I finally quit biting my fingernails in college when they let me chew gum in class. I pick the skin to this day however.
My mother put every foul substance possible on my thumb and my fingers to no avail. I was constantly humiliated by people (not always relatives) yanking my hands away from my mouth. It only made it worse because it served to lower my self-esteem even further.
If I have something to do with my hands (cross-stitch, gardening, whatever), I’m OK. But if I’m sitting in a meeting or class or whatever, I’m doomed.
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